45. Silence Equals Death November 3, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: 8, boy. 5, boy.

I work full-time at home, upper part-time outside the home.

I am lower-middle.

I live urban, I guess. For the small town I live in that’s 50 percent below the poverty level.

I rent.

I tell everyone I completed high school, but I didn’t.

I am other. My husband is straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: White with extremely GLBT positive background. 

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. I was raised by a F-T-M parent. FTM is a female to male transgendered person. My father used to be my mother. My parents divorced when I was two so my bio father was never an active part of my life. My mother decided to change over when I was 12 so we went through puberty together. I grew up in a local GBLT community with a lot of people like my dad (or variations) so I was quite comfortable in the GLBT community. Now that I’m married and living the “straight” life, I miss that sense of community with people like me.
2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Listening is key. Listening until you think you absolutely think your brain can’t take any more in. And you can never hug too much.
3. Something that concerns me about my children. They’ll grow up as relationship-stunted as I am.
4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). I have too many. That’s my low. No, really.
5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Too “plugged in”. Can’t unplug for a second to check in with their kids.
6. I am happiest when I have time to spend enjoying my kids. Lately, I’m spread SO thin. I don’t feel I have enough time with them playing and laughing and cuddling. It’s spent doing the real sh*t to keep them alive.
7. I am saddest when I’m at work and can’t be at home to serve them the dinner that I made and have that great dinner conversation that is two boys.
8. My biggest fear. That I’ll turn out like my mother in law and my son will cut me out like my husband has his mother. Because she’s evil. I’d hate it if that happened.
9. I am ashamed of my need to feel validated or to be right that it really overcomes the goodness that I know is inside of me.
10. Something I need to forgive is the mistakes my mother in law made while raising my husband. I don’t know if I ever can get to that point.
11. Something I wish I could say to someone is I was wrong. I don’t often admit that I could be wrong.
12. Something I have never told anyone is that I’ll never forgive my husband for letting his family convince me to abort one of our children.
13. Something I am trying to change about myself is to slow down and lose the mentality that everything has to be done and it’s got to be done right now. I’m not a superhero. I can’t be everything and do everything for everyone. It’s just not possible to keep it up forever.
14. My biggest accomplishment is getting my kids to the age they are without major catastrophes. How I’ve not damaged them in a huge way blows my mind.
15. I wish I could say that my kids will have a stable home with a mother and a father still married. I can’t promise that. Not forever.
16. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting is that it’s important that your child knows that no matter what, you’ll still love them and do your best to support without telling them what is best for them. Your kids needs to make mistakes on their own.
17. How I would describe my faith life. Prayer doesn’t solve everything but having that inner monologue with your own idea of a higher up can give you relief and peace of mind that you can’t get anywhere else. You’ve also got to have faith in yourself, that even though things may be bad today, they may be better tomorrow, even if just a sliver.
18. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year is we’ll be on stable financial ground so that we can finally be able to get the things we need and not have to starve to do it.
19. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. You are never alone. It may seem like you’re alone but there’s always someone out there to connect with. It took me a long time to get that silence really equals death. It DOES. Open your mouth, reach out. You’ll find that once you do and you voice your feelings about your life and how you feel, there just might be someone out there who will say “YES. I feel that way, too. Thank you for saying something so I don’t feel alone anymore, either.” We’ve all become so closed off from each other with the computer screens, cell phones and big screen t.v.’s that it’s hard to see the real people behind the technology. It is okay to unplug and admit you’re human.
20. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.

17. I Couldn’t Imagine It Any Other Way July 17, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 29 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: Boy, 3 years – Boy, 6 months.

I stay home and work a full-time job as an executive director from home.

I am middle-middle.

I live urban St. Louis.

I own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian.

My URL. http://www.bringmommythevodka.com

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing: I was the youngest of three. I was treated like the “baby” and I therefore acted like the baby. And sort of still do. I get bitchy and whiny when I don’t get my way and I’m always seeking attention from those around me.
2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. For those with infants, do what works for you. If you’re not comfortable with something then it’s not going to work. Don’t let articles in magazines or even your best friend tell you how to raise your child. Always follow your instincts. For anyone with a three-year-old, be patient. Find your inner peace. Just when you think things can’t get worse, your child will turn three.
3. Something that concerns me about my children. That he is learning everything from me. Children learn everything from their parents. I know I’m not a perfect person and it scares me that my sons will pick up my worst traits instead of my best.
4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Any time I have yelled at my children. I hate losing my temper and always regret it later. There are certainly times that calls for a loud, stern voice; but losing my control and yelling when I could handle it differently definitely bothers me.
5. What annoys me most about other mothers. When they assume. They assume you make decisions for certain reasons and they really have no clue. Why not ask a question instead of assuming whatever you want. I am a mother that chose not to breastfeed. It wasn’t because I couldn’t or shouldn’t. It was because I didn’t want to. And I’m a firm believer that if I don’t want to do something and I try to do it just because society thinks I should – it’s not going to go well. But leave it to other mothers to question my decision. Anyone else didn’t think twice about my choice, but almost 90% of all the other mothers thought my reasoning was absurd and found the need to tell me.
6. I am happiest when I get to pee alone.
7. I am saddest when I feel alone at two o’clock in the afternoon. Every. Single. Day.
8. My biggest fear. That my children will not be who they want to be because they feel the need to impress others.
9. I am ashamed of the amount of time, or lack there of, I give to myself. I believe mothers are better mothers when they put themselves first. If you feel good about yourself, then you can be a better mother to your children.
10. Something I need to forgive.
11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I don’t want to f**king talk to you! This is mostly for my neighbor who comes to my house every day while my son is taking a nap and I am trying to get work done. But I hear myself saying this in my head to more and more people every day.
12. Something I have never told anyone. Unfortunately, I can’t really say that I have an answer for this one either. I don’t keep secrets. I’m not a gossip – that’s different. But I can say that I don’t keep anything to myself. I am an open book. Definitely don’t tell me your secrets.
13. Something I am trying to change about myself. My weight. This is such an obvious answer, but it’s a true one. And I know it resonates with many mothers. We have a hard time excepting our new bodies after babies. It’s sad, but again, it’s true and we shouldn’t deny it. I’m slowing working my way to feeling healthier and hopefully losing a few pounds in the process.
14. My biggest accomplishment. That I’ve stayed married to the same man for five years. Laugh all you want, but I’m serious. I was what you call a “serial dater.” I think the longest relationship I had before my husband was a year. The rest usually lasted no more than three months. Actually, my husband and I were engaged after three months of dating and married within the year. We moved fast, but we knew it was the real deal from the start. I never saw myself married or with children. I always thought I’d be living the single life in the city. Now I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
15. I wish I wasn’t a worry wart. I don’t know how to be satisfied. I’m always trying to fix things and I’m certainly the most over-protective mother you’ve ever met. I need to take a chill pill sometimes.
16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. My mother was my best friend. I found I could tell her anything. I hope to raise my children the same way. It was such a comfort.
17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Just because your stern and have rules doesn’t mean you don’t love your children. While my mom was my best friend, my father was the opposite. He was the enforcer and made sure I didn’t get into trouble growing up. It was a good balance between my mother and father.
18. How I would describe my faith life. Not really sure how to answer this. If we’re talking religion, then I have to tell you: I’m atheist. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have faith. It just means I have a different kind.
19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Can we go back to the weight thing? Plus I’ll be turning 30 in a few months so I’m hoping I’ll have that different feeling. Like I’m finally an adult. I still feel like a teenager sometimes. A teenager with a never-ending babysitting job.
20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I am who I am and it doesn’t bother me if other’s don’t like me for who I am. I believe everyone is different, not better or worse from others. We are all unique and we should embrace that.
21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. What is your most embarrassing moment as a mother?

14. It’s Not All Serious! July 10, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 30 years old.

I am married.

I have 3 children. Here are their ages/genders: 9:M, 5:M, 20m:M

I stay home.

I am middle.

I live suburban.

I rent.

I completed 1 1/2 years of college.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: White.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. 
2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Take it one day at a time, and don’t sweat the small stuff.
3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).  My youngest two have speech problems.
4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). When I accidentally knocked my oldest down the stairs.
5. What annoys me most about other mothers. That they think they’re the best mom there is.
6. I am happiest when.  My boys are happy.
7. I am saddest when.  I yell at my kids.
8. My biggest fear.  Kidnapping.
9. I am ashamed of.  Quitting college.
10. Something I need to forgive.  My longtime friend saying something hurtful 10 years ago.
11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I wish I could tell people who think they’re better than everyone, how it really is.
12. Something I have never told anyone.  Sometimes i just need to get away from my family.
13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  Being over weight after the kids.
14. My biggest accomplishment.  My family.
15. I wish.  I could give my kids the world.
16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  It’s not all serious.
17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  
18. How I would describe my faith life.  I believe that u don’t need to go to church to praise him.
19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  Our place of living…1100 square feet is too small for a family of 5.
20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.
21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.

10. The Loves of My Life June 27, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 24 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children, boys ages 2.5 years and 7.5 months.

I stay home (for now, in the fall I go back to being a full-time student).

I am not sure what class I qualify as. My parents are very educated, but my husband and I don’t make a lot right now. I’ll go with middle.

I live rural.

I own.

I completed undergrad, and am now studying to become a registered nurse.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My dad’s side of the family is English and came over on the Mayflower. My mom’s side is mostly Irish immigrants!

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. 
2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Two under two! It’s been wild, but I love watching my boys play together. My advice is just to roll with the punches – don’t make plans or flower arrangements, and for God’s sake, no glass coffee tables.
3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). The state of our world. Young men, especially, are falling by the wayside as there are more temptations and less leaders to show them the way to grow.
4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). My baby fell out of the bed while cosleeping. I spanked my two-year old.
5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Making broad, meaningless, sweeping “advice” comments to other mothers. All it is is angling for more attention for themselves.
6. I am happiest when. I sit with my husband, the love of my life, and see God, the original love of my life, in the smiles of my children, the two newest loves of my life.
7. I am saddest when. I see children suffer.
8. My biggest fear is. That my children may suffer, too.
9. I am ashamed of.  My weight.
10. Something I need to forgive. My father for emotionally and psychologically damaging my mother and siblings.
11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Shut. Up.
12. Something I have never told anyone.  I weigh 180 lbs.
13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  The way I react in anger far too quickly – I strive to be Christ’s love in my actions every day.
14. My biggest accomplishment. My natural birth!
15. I wish. That people would open their eyes.
16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. She was right all along!
17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Let your children be children.
18. How I would describe my faith life. I respect God, I love His personification in Jesus, and I pray that the Holy Spirit would show in my life. I struggle with remembering this every day.
19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I will be 30 lbs lighter!
20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I think. A lot.